No. It’s not bad, it’s essential.

From a very young age it’s drilled into us – stop being selfish. We are made to feel bad about wanting things for ourselves. We might even get punished for not wanting to share something of ours. So beliefs begin to form:

• My needs aren’t important – Yes

• Everyone else’s needs are more important than my own – Yes

• I’m allowed to put my needs first – No

• I’m allowed to put myself first – No

• I have to do everything for everyone before I can do something for me – Yes

• I am everyone’s doormat – Yes

• I am only alive to serve other people – Yes

• I am never allowed to get what I want – Yes

• I am never allowed to do what I want – Yes

• I am allowed to say no – No

These are all beliefs that I regularly have to clear in my adult clients. And do you know what the end result is of all of these beliefs?

• Exhaustion

• Numbness

• An inability to receive

• Resentment

If you are always giving and giving and giving to other people, what is left to give to yourself? Nothing! There is nothing left. Which is why I like to use the “bucket analogy” with my clients.

Imagine that you are a bucket. If you are constantly giving to everyone else, then you are always giving from an empty bucket. There is nothing left for you, so that’s when exhaustion begins to set in. You will feel like you have never have enough energy or time.
However, if you give to yourself first, your bucket will be always be full, and then you can freely give any of the overflow. That way you are caring for yourself and still giving to others as well

When you never give to yourself, when you believe that you’re never allowed to have what you want, then what’s the point? Your life becomes about serving other people, running around, organising everything. All that time spent on other people, none spent on yourself. You are constantly telling yourself, your soul – that you are not important. And it listens, and it becomes sad.

But we don’t like to feel sad, so we shut off our feelings and continue our busy busy lifestyle doing everything for everyone. And when we do this for weeks, months, years, decades . . . . we are so detached from our feelings that all that is left is numbness

Another end result of the compulsion to give, is that becomes impossible to receive.

• It becomes impossible to receive love

• It becomes impossible to receive help

• You might even find it becomes impossible to receive abundance

How do you know if you have a problem with receiving? You are probably doing everything for everyone. i.e.

• All the housework, all the washing and ironing, all of the cooking, all of the shopping etc

• You might not delegate tasks and projects at work because no one can do it as good as you or it would take too long to train someone else to do it

• You might be the person who has to organise all of the social events, doing all of the coordination, fobbing off other people’s offers to help because you don’t want to look like you can’t handle it.

Not being able to receive, feeling like you have to do it all leads to two key things: exhaustion (as mentioned above) and resentment.

When we are always doing things for other people, and we are not getting what we want (even if that is through our own fault) deep resentment will set in. We being to resent our co-workers, our friends, our loved ones, because can’t they see how exhausted we are? Don’t they realise how much we do for them, sacrifice for them? No they don’t!!! And do you know why? Because we haven’t told them

• We haven’t told them how exhausted we feel

• We haven’t explained to them how much we do for them and how little we do for ourselves

• We have allowed ourselves to be taken for granted. That we will always be there to say yes to whatever they want

So all of the resentment builds up, and builds up and builds up. And it can become toxic to us. It affects not only ourselves but all of our relationships. And anything that gets built up, that is put under pressure, needs to be released at some point. And usually that release is not pretty.

This is why I want you to be 85% selfish

I believe that 85% is the magic number of selfishness.

If we are 100% selfish all of the time, then I believe that we all suffer.

However, if we are 85% selfish, we are giving to ourselves, honouring our own needs and wants. While still being kind to the world around us.

Being 85% selfish means that you are telling yourself that you are important. In fact, that you are the most important person in your life. And that you will listen to and honour what your soul is asking of you.

Being 85% selfish means, getting your family to help out around the home. Which will allow you to have time to yourself on the weekends to spend how you choose

Being 85% selfish means, that at work, you have a manageable workload. Working on projects that you find interesting and being able to say no to unreasonable requests

Being 85% selfish means that you realise that you don’t have to organise everything and that you can go to events and just enjoy yourself. Your good time becomes a priority

Being 85% selfish allows to take time off to do things that you find pleasurable, like a pamper day, a night out with friends, a weekend away to recharge your batteries

It’s amazing how wonderful your life can be when you become 85% selfish

Want to start saying no?

Want to begin putting yourself first?